Ambiguous

ni libog_na

I was born in a condition known as Intersex. In the past, we were referred to as hermaphrodites. Contrary to what you may think, we usually do NOT have full sets of both male and female genitals. Most of us fall into the category of ‘ambiguous genitalia’, which is rare, but more common than most people realize. Usually a result of a hormonal imbalance in the womb, our genitals exhibit characteristics of both genders and it isn’t apparent which we are. The doctors and parents must decide what the intersex baby is, and perform surgery to make him or her as complete as possible. But… this involves an assumption and doctors aren’t always right.

I was one of those mistakes, first a ‘mistake of nature’ and then a medical mistake. In my parents and doctor’s defense, they tried to do the right thing. My genitals were undefined, but they thought I resembled a boy more than a girl. They surgically closed my labia to form a scrotum, and rerouted my urethra. My parents gave me a boy’s name and dressed me as a boy. They gave me boy gifts and toys. And they hoped for the best.

Their plan worked well at first, at least they thought so. But me, I always knew they were wrong. Around age 7 or 8, they began to doubt their decision. By puberty, the mistake was obvious. My shoulders remained narrow, my voice didn’t drop, my hips widened, and I developed breasts. So that’s it… I am a girl with a penis.

Finally, my mother relented and allowed me to wear girl’s clothes and grow my hair. I was pretty! But things were not good in my life. I received a lot of cruelty from other kids and even some adults. My own father was not pleased with me. He didn’t understand that I was not “wishing” to be a girl… I AM a girl! At school, I was teased by those who knew me formerly as a boy. They called me ‘bakla’ and I felt the sting of being rejected for who I am.

No one knew that I had “corrective” surgery at birth, it isn’t something one goes around announcing. All they knew is that last school year I was a boy (although effiminate) and all of a sudden now I’m a girl. Personally, I was happy about it. I liked having curves, long hair, and pretty clothes and undies. I was crushed the first day of school that year when they teased me. I wanted to die.

I went home crying and told mama I am never going back to school. She didn’t take me seriously until the next day when I absolutely refused to go. She gave up arguing and let me be. After a week, she realized that something needed to be done.

They sent me to my uncle’s house in NCR. The idea being there would be no one who knew my past, and they would accept me as I am… a beautiful young lady. They did, and I was happy for a few years. Then, something happened…. I got a boyfriend.

His name was Ramon and we fell for each other quickly. We courted briefly and then became a couple. We were attached at the hip, people rarely saw one of us without the other. We became confidantes and told each other everything. But there was one thing I held back. It was a small thing (jk lng) but it was a thing never the less. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him something so personal… and ridiculous! It wasn’t obvious to me at the time that if he and I stayed together long enough, he was going to find out.

By this time, I had developed into a beautiful girl. I garnered looks and sometimes catcalls everywhere I went. I had a way of being cute and sexy at the same time, both beautiful and hot. There was nothing male about me. Well… there was one thing, haha, but it was always well concealed.

Of course, Ramon found it. We were together six months. Lately I was becoming terrified. I was in a position where it was too late to tell him, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him, so I just kept on. I rationalized it by thinking that he loves me so much that it won’t matter. We were alone in a private spot, making out, when he slid his hand up under my bra and felt up my 32As. I was half in heaven and half in hell. It felt so good! We had gone this far a couple of times already, and both times I made excuses and ran home. Both times I could see the disappointment on his face. I didn’t want to see that again, so I remained in his embrace and let him have his way with me. But then he finally put his hand in my pants and felt. In a while, his hand was still and he stopped kissing me. Then he explored around to see if what he suspected was true. After all, I was still a little bit ambiguous, my dick was bigger than the typical clit, but smaller than the average dick. He felt underneath. Uhmmm…. no pussy. We lay there silently for a few minutes. I was dying inside. Then he withdrew his hand, got up, and straightened his clothes and hair, his back to me. I called his name, and he responded “fuck you”.

Before he left, he turned around to face me, and the expression on his face became imprinted on my mind. I will never forget it. I can’t adequately describe it, maybe you can imagine.

As far as I know, he never told anyone. I guess it would be as embarrassing for him and it was for me. My secret was safe. But after those couple of years of happiness and normality, I was crushed once again. I fell into a deep depression and I hated myself. I vowed never to fall inlab again.

But the thing is, I enjoyed the feeling of being with a boy. I enjoyed his hands on me. I loved the attention and I loved being the object of desire. I loved the feeling of his lips on mine and his hands on my titties… and in my pants. So, I did the natural thing, I became a slut.

Now out of high school, I wasn’t limited to school or neighborhood contacts. I could do things that would stay anonymous. Even with little experience, I began to prey on guys by trapping them into sex with me. At first, I just gave blowjobs, and I did it for free. If any of my “victims” tried to feel my “pussy”, I would stop them. I’d tell them I was on my period or some other kind of excuse. And I would proceed to give them the best fucking oral sex they ever had. I would pick them up on the street, on the jeep, in jollibee, or wherever… have them take me somewhere relatively private, and let them fuck my mouth as long and as hard as they wanted. Sometimes I picked up two guys and took turns sucking and jacking them until they both cummed all over me.

I masturbated at night to the memory of what I had done in the day. I had two types of orgasms; one purely mental and the other purely physical. I came to know them as my ‘female’ and ‘male’ orgasms. The first was triggered emotionally and the other physically. They both feel fucking awesome, I can’t say one is better than the other. And after a while I realizes that the particular fantasy of the day had a lot do with it. The first type came by making love and the second came from being fucked!

It started with my finger, then fingers, then evolved into sitting on various objects and fucking myself. I’m not sure if I have a prostate in there or not, but it just feels so… great. The nerves in my ass are so sensitive, and I love the feeling of being stuffed. After orgasm, when I remove the object, the feeling of relief is incredible and the satisfaction remains for a long time. The feeling is like a drug. I decided I needed someone to fuck me, I needed to feel a cock inside me.

On my first “fuck pickup”, I wore a short, plaid schoolgirl skirt (ala Japan). I even went so far as the white blouse, a camisole (no bra), and white socks. I picked up a guy outside of a bank, he looked like a businessman. We went into the alley and made out, then I extracted his cock and blew him. When he was good and hard, I pulled down my panty under my skirt, turned around, bent over and to avoid an accident, I took his cock and hand-guided him into my pre-lubed butthole. With my hands on the brick wall, he fucked the daylights out of me, thinking he was in my pussy! The skirt concealed his true location, but he didn’t have his eyes open anyway. He was fucking my tight hole like there’s no tomorrow, I never had it so good! He blew a load into me and I felt it jet into my hot ass… and I loved it. I came also, the second type of orgasm, I shook like a man and got a shock in my dick and spine simultaneously. He pulled out, his dick still dripping, and he put it away. He was a sight, suit all wrinkled, hair messed up, sweaty, breathing heavily… haha. What a tool. He quickly left the alley and I straightened myself up. I was surprised to find moisture in my panty. It was the first time I had literally squirted during an orgasm! Up to that point, all my cums had been dry, very powerful but void of liquid.

This went on for months, me picking up strangers and blowing and/or fucking them. Sometimes it would be semi-public, like the alley… and sometimes it would be in a hotel room or apartment. A few times, it was in outright public… the park or in a car.

I loved sex so much but I began to really hate myself. Still in major-depression, I felt great when I was being fucked, but miserable afterward. I knew I couldn’t go on like this. What I needed and craved was a great fuck who would be there for me the next day. I guess that’s what everybody wants.

By now I had a job, I was a clerk at 7-11. Obviously it wasn’t a lofty career goal, but it paid the bills. Between working all night and fucking all day, there was little time for anything else. That’s when I met Joy. She transferred to my store from QC. She and I hit it off right away and it wasn’t long before we were best friends. I never had a best friend, and it did a world of good for me to have one now. Joy made me feel good about myself.

I moved out of my uncle’s house and Joy and I shared a small room together. At first we took turns, one sleeping in the small bed and the other on the tattered sofa. After a while, we decided it wasn’t necessary for one of us to always be uncomfortable, so we slept together in the bed. We learned a lot about each other.

Joy was a beautiful girl also. She had a great childhood and a good life. Her family was in the province and she was close with them. She had a boyfriend back home. Joy wasn’t a virgin, but she only had a few guys in her life. She was just human, like the rest of us. As we grew closer, we exchanged stories of our love lives. I was honest with her, except I didn’t relay the shocking amount of men that I had, and of course… I never indicated that I had no pussy.

By now, you probably know where the story is going. Yep, Joy and I fell inlab. It was pure, sweet, romantic, and beautiful. We became transparent with one another, I knew everything about her and she knew everything about me… except for one tiny thing. (I know, that joke is getting old). We had not yet expressed our love for each other, verbally but we began holding each other in bed, especially when one or both of us had a bad day. Eventually we began rubbing each others backs, often using lotion. We started sleeping with our legs intertwined. One hot night in frustration she removed her night shirt and threw it on the floor. I laughed and followed suit. From then on, we slept in panty lang, holding each other when it wasn’t too damn hot.

I stopped blowing and fucking random guys. I’d like to say it was easy, but it wasn’t. I was addicted to sex and I fought the urge every day.

We were on the day shift now, we alternated every few weeks. One night I awoke with my face touching her’s. My first impulse was to pull away, but I didn’t. I enjoyed the feeling. Her silky hair was on my shoulder and the fragrance of her shampoo was amazing. The feeling of her soft feminine skin, her cheek and her legs on mine, was just too much.

I whispered:

“Joy?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you”

“I love you too, Maricel”

“No, I mean I LOVE YOU”

“Alam ko, I love you too”

So, it was official, we loved each other. But like shy schoolgirls, we took our time. It was days, and then weeks that we progressed from cuddling, to kissing, to feeling each other’s breasts and ass. And now… I was terrified. I remembered Ramon and his look of disappointment and betrayal. And especially I remembered how he simply left… left the room, left my life…. how he was part of my life one minute and then all of a sudden he was gone. I worried about what I will do when Joy disappears. The thought really scared me.

One night we were laying together, feeling naughty after a little wine, and talking about boys we had been with. To my horror…. I realized I was getting a boner! OMG! I had never had an erection before, at least not a full one. Sure, I had masturbated, but my cock really had never gotten hard. I had a technique where I would pinch the foreskin under the head and kind of rub my fingers together, like a finger-snapping motion only quicker. It tickled at first and then became extremely intense… resulting in an orgasm; hips bucking and body shaking. My dick never completely got hard. But it was well on it’s way now.

I couldn’t let Joy discover it, and it was obvious she would if we continued laying next to each other. So I went downtown, haha. I lowered myself under the blanket until my face was in her panty. Gosh, it smelled amazing, girl-smell mixed with laundry soap scent, flowery but with a twist. My tummy growled. My dick was like a rock now!

I was hoping the boner would go away but the damn little prick was getting harder, ngeee.

I couldn’t stop now. I climbed over her leg and got in-between. She raised her hips and I worked her panty off and slid them down her beautiful golden brown legs. She kicked them off. Once free of that obstacle, I lowered my face and began to kiss her labi. I kissed up one side and down the other. Despite being a girl, I was in the unusual position of not knowing anything about a pussy. But I was learning fast and loving everything about it; the taste, the velvety texture, the faint but distinctive smell… everything. I parted her labi and stuck my tongue in, it was sweet. I began to lick and my tongue found a nub at the top… a hard little peanut…. I knew it was her clit. I gripped it with my lips, and pulled. Joy gasped and gripped my head, pressing me into her cunt. And I went to town, sucking and licking. My fingers found her hole and I penetrated her, she was so wet and tight! I continued on her clit while fingering her, occasionally withdrawing and just pressing my silky face against her pussy, hard enough to almost hurt. I could sense by her reaction when it was too much. I found the medium of pain and pleasure, and alternated that with the fingering and sucking. Soon Joy rewarded my effort with a burst of fluid and a loud gasp… followed by a strong sigh. Then she went limp. To my horror, I found that I didn’t… Junior was still hard as a rock, and starting to hurt by now. I had forgotten about him!

What the hell am I gonna do? And before I could think about it any further, Joy recovered from her orgasm and flipped around on the bed… into a 69 position. OMG. I knew it was too late to do anything about it, as she hooked my panty with her thumbs and pulled. I closed my eyes and the fear of being Joyless struck my heart.

She paused. Oh, no. No.

Shades of Ramon ran through my mind. I put a pillow over my face and my body tightened up. Joy’s hand was frozen on my small, hard cock. Like Ramon, cautiously her hand went below. I knew what she was looking for. She grasped my scrotum and her hand stopped again. I braced myself, expecting the blanket to be thrown off. But… in 5-10 seconds, her hand began to slowly move. She was rubbing it! First my sack and then my cock. I exhaled and my heartbeat resumed. Now I felt something warm… Joy was sucking my dick. And wow! She was good at it.

Joy parted my soft smooth legs, lifted them, bent them at the knees and rocked me back on my hips. She buried her face in my buttcrack and tenderly licked my fuck hole. She followed this with her finger then lowered my hips and resumed sucking my cock as she fingered my ass. I loosened up and she slipped a second finger in without missing a stroke on my cock. She fucked me with her fingers and sucked my dick until I had the biggest orgasm of my life… it was BOTH types… male and female…. HAVING SEX and MAKING LOVE. And for only the second time of my life… I ejaculated. This time it was what I assumed was a normal amount, a good load. My lovely Joy savored every drop.

*End*