Nung niyakap ko sya ng mahigpit, lalo nya ding siniksik ang katawan nya sa’kin. Tapos pinatong nya yung arm nya sa arm ko. Wala kaming imik imik, basta positioning lang to get as comfortable for us as possible. Alam ko hulas na sya at that time, so alam na nya what’s happening right now. Again, I wasn’t concern if it was gay or not, my concern was for us to get comfortable, plus I was enjoying the being with someone at that time. Also, during post-sex with my past experiences, I always felt na napaka-fragile ng mga babae tuwing katabi ko sila. I know they can take a beating and pounding naman in terms of sex (I don’t beat my partners just to be clear lol you get the point), pero I just feel na if I roll over sa kama, there’s a good chance na madadaganan ko sila. Pero with Roy, I mean, his softness reminds me of a woman’s skin, pero I know naman that I’m not gonna break him when I move my body during sleep. So, just that feeling ease me into sleeping with him. Plus I like hugging plushy pillows as a kid so it’s all good.
We fell asleep.
Sarap talaga ng feeling ng comfort of not being alone in bed. I never once thought na this was gay. I mean, he’s my friend, he’s straight and I’m straight. How could we possibly end up being gays? Hahaha, right? Well, it turns out, being gay isn’t really about having sex with a guy. It’s more of like falling in love with the person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not falling for him right now. But, I do like the moment we were in.
I woke up to the soft breaths tickling my mustache. Then I noticed a large peice of pata naka outstretch sa bewang ko and naka hook sa pagitan ng hita ko. And yes, yung kaliwa ko’ng hita, naka sandwich sa dalawa nyang naglalakihang biyas. We were both tangled with each other, and our face was really close.
I smiled. I liked this…. this… mess that we’re at. Kailangan na namin gumising. Tanghaling tapat na. (I sound like an old man there, hahaha tanghaling tapat. lol) I signed a little loud, and did that hugging-stretching thing again, and surpricingly, he hugged back. Our face were pressed against each other… I mean, our whole body pala, our whole body were pressed with each other. Naka T-shirt pa ako nun sa so medyo tamed pa yung situation. I think it would have been a lot different I was also in my boxers.
Nakapikit pa ako nun. I enhaled deeply. I know na naka tingin sya sa’kin. Minulat ko yung isang kong mata, and I saw both his eyes staring right through mine.
I smiled. Sobrang namula sya nun. I thought it was really cute what we had right then at that moment. I didn’t necessarily thought he was cute, the situation that we were in was cute. I mean, he was cute, but my feeling was more towards us being in that moment.
I didn’t talked. I just smiled. Then when I felt na talagang hindi uuna si Roy mag disengage, ako na umuna. Tinapik ko yung kaliwa nyang pige, tapos sinabi ko “pataas naman nitong pata, kinakain na nyang puwit mo hita ko ay.”
“Gago, anong pata?” Napatawa ako. Then I naturally slipped my legs away from his thighs and did an actual stretch while next to him.
“Tangina na mo, sobrang lasing mo kagabi, mag bukas lang ng banyo di mo pa magawa.” Sabay tawa ko ng malakas. Namula sya. Ginulo ko yung buhok nya. “Tangina, tayo na dyan. Tanghali na. Ikaw mag hugas nung mga pinggan.”
Hindi sya sumagot, pero naka-ngiti sya. Bumangon sya tapos dun sya sa gilid ng kama ko nag stretching. Bumangon na din ako, tapos pinalo ko kaliwang pigi nya.
“Aray, puta. Kung maka palo naman, wagas.” Tumawa lang ako.
“Ang lambot ay. hahaha” Sabay pasok ko sa banya tapos ihi. Nakakalat lang yung shorts nya sa sahig, and merong mga pee stain droplets. I went to the sink and then gargle. Pinulot ko yun tapos nilagay dun sa hamper nya sa loob ng banyo. Paglabas ko ng banyo, nandoon sya sa kusina naghuhugas na ng mga dayagin, naka boxer briefs.
Then ko lang talaga sya really tiningnan. I mean like, really checked him out. I’ve seen him this way before, being in his boxers, doing chores, but this time, this was the first time I really looked at him and see his features. What his back looks like, how thick and fat his legs were, how tight his boxer brief was hugging his butt. He had a really wide back. He wasn’t really like yung rounded na chubby guy, his body was defined pero yung tone nya was exagerated with fat. I like his sillhouette.
I sat down again on our couch. Just trying to get some peace again before starting the day. I’m not sure how long I was like that, pero nung nagkaulirat na ulit ako, naka higa si Roy sa tabi ko, and inunan na naman nya yung hita ko. Then just like last night, I played with his hair.
Then he talked, “hinugasan ko na yung mga dayagin ha. Baka naman may reklamo ka pa.”
“Wow ha, ako na nga nag asikaso sa kanya kagabi, tapos gaganyanin lang ako? Wow ha,” pabiro kong sabi.
“Ulol, feeling mo naman.” Alam ko pabiro lang ‘tong lahat. This part I know about him, and like I said before, magaling akong makisama, so I know how to repond to these jest. We talked for some time about last night, about the exams, about the past sem, and then to the upcoming sem. While were talking, I was still playing with his hair, then I moved it sa kanyang braso were I was light caressing it. Just running my thumb back and forth on his skin.
We weren’t looking at each other. I felt like we shouldn’t. And to be honest, we kind’a didn’t need to as our physical contact was really giving us enough of a connection that looking at each other would have been too much for us (well, for me at least).
Tinanong ko sya kung ano naalala nya kagabi. He told me he was completely aware what he was doing, what we were doing. He was aware, but he had no control, nor did he cared. And to be honest naman daw, masarap akong katabi. Which I jabbed at him naman with “tangina mo, in love ka na yata sa’kin e.” which he then responded with, “gago, tang ina mo, puta ka! Ano ako, bakla, GAGO!” then pabulong nyang hinabol, “halikan kita dyan e.”
Sabay tawa namin malakas. Medyo matagal yung tawa namin, and it really brought tears to our eyes.
“Tangina ka,” sabi ko sa kanya, “san mo ba gusto ng kiss?” Sabay tawa ko ulit. Wala syang rebuttal, pero he was smirking. Then silence, a good 30-second na walang maimik.
Hinawakan ko yung kamay nya, tapos nilapit sa labi ko tapos nilapatan ko ng isang deep smack kiss. “Oh ayan, kiss.” Pag tingin ko sa kanya, sobrang ang pagka blush nya. He was looking across the room, looking at particularly nothing, tapos naka smile. Inulit ko ulit yung pag kiss sa kamay nya, this time closer naman sa thumb nya. Then I enhaled deeply, and hindi ko binitawan yung kamay nya.
I like the feeling of his hand. Unlike most girls I held hands with, which were bony because they were mostly skinny-model-isque type, his was soft. A stark contrast to what I was used to when it comes to holding hands, and the irony of this was that he was a man. I liked it. (Maybe I should go for a chubbier woman next time. lol)
Then tumihaya na sya. Naka tingin sa kisame, tapos tingin sa’kin. Then he enhaled deeply, so did I. I was still holding his hand, and I was still playing with his hair. We were just looking at each other. Looking at each other’s eyes. I smiled, “What?” I asked him, just to break the silence.
“Kilig ka na no?” Pabiro kong sabi.
“Gago.” Naka ngiti nyang sabi, sabay tingin sa magkahawak namin kamay. Hinawakan na nya ng dalawang kamay yun hand ko tapos nilarolaro nya na parang manikha. “Tanginang kamay to, pwede nang plato sa lapad ay.” Dinadama na nya bawat daliri, bawat guhit ng palad ko… nilapit nya sa labi nya, sabay halik sa hinlalaki ko. He stole a glance at me, maybe checking out what my reaction would be. I gave him a contented smile. He had those “shet, in love na ako” eyes looking back at me. You know what’s more interesting, a woman with these eyes are different to a guys. I’ve seen this from a woman before, and it had a playful vibe to it. I think for men, when we give this type of look, there’s an intense vulnerability to it, that I’m pretty sure he feels right now, and that I can feel radiating from him. That made me feel like I want to protect him.
Mula sa pag kakaupo ko, sumandal ako dun sa arm rest. Binuhat ko yung upper body nya tapos pinadaan yung kaliwa kong hita sa ilalim nya. I scooched down a little bit para yung tiyan ko iunan nya. Yung kaliwa kong hita pinatong ko sa kaliwa nyang hita. Tangina, kung san man umabot to, go lang. It’s not like it can kill me.
When we settled in to our new position, I leaned down and then kissed the top of his head. Then kinuha nya yung kanan kong arm sabay hinug nya ng mahigpit. I buried my face in his hair and inhaled deep, trying to memorize his smell. Then I whispered in his years in a raspy voice, “tangina ka, ba’t ang sarap ng amoy mo?” Sabay lapat ng labi ko sa jaw nya, just below his left ear.
“Ganyan talaga pag nag lilihi. Hahaha”
“Gago, e ikaw nga tong buntis. Hahaha” Sabay himas sa tiyan nya.
“Tangina ka. Hahaha.” Habang natawa sya, yung pisngi naman nya hinalikan ko. Napahinto ang tawa nya sabay lunok. Then pinatong ko yung ulo ko sa ibabaw ng ulo nya, sabay niyakap sya ng mahigpit, and then I inhaled deeply. We were silent. To be honest, I was thinking of just being frank with him and ask him if what were doing was leading up to something, or… just keep silent and roll with it.
I rolled with it.
“Dex, pa kiss nga.”
I’m pretty sure it’s not the hands he’s talking about. And I just wanna get this over with and be sure with what the hell were doing at that moment. So, from the top of his head, I tilted my head down, held his chin and tilted his face up. And I just went for it. When our lips met, I gave it a deep peck, like parang madiin na smack….closed lips pero may force. I backed my face a little and then opened my eyes and looked at his. I smiled, he smiled, and then I planted another kiss. This time were both looking at each other’s eyes. And then I moved back, kissed the side of his lips, and the tip of his nose, his forhead and then the top of his head.
“Okay na ba yun?” Tanong ko.
“Isa pa nga.”