by stellargirl
Hi guys! I heard a lot of good things about FSS so i decided to share here the story that i wrote a few months back from another site. I never envisioned such an overwhelming response back when i first started sharing my story over there. Dumating sa point na i developed some serious paranoia issues kaya i chose to delete my story and moved my story in private. As i continue updating the story in private, i felt like hitting a wall and i’m starting to lose interest in writing again. It’s not like my story aren’t interesting, ofcourse mine’s the best (joke!) but privately writing my story isn’t providing me much of a thrill as i had before. Hence why i’m sharing it here 😉
If you have read this story before, you may notice a few difference in some of the details from the original writing. As you know I was careless about some of the details i shared with my story before and not realizing the risk of all information that i shared. Re-sharing this story also gave me some time to proofread my writing so some minor changes are being made as well. Other than that, plot and character names were all the same.
Huge FYI to readers and fellow writers; I’m not a writer. I’m just a trying hard storyteller. My writings were not intended as an erotic novel masterpiece and it will never ever be. It was planned as a confession story for message boards so i hope the format of my writing are allowed and excused by those grammar police, fellow writers and critics. Good vibes lang tayo.
Other than that, I’ll leave the argument to you guys if this is based on a true story or not. That’s part of the fun right?. Also, this story is written in “taglish” as i wanted tell the story the way i’m comfortable expressing myself and my “other self” as well.
Chapter I
You guys can call me J pala. Makati girl, I’m a Civil Engineering graduate from one of the most prestigious universities in Manila. My parents are both successful professionals and used to run their own, let’s say a small but thriving construction firm. Our life was great and comfortable. We live in a nice house, own a few nice cars and grew up with drivers and helpers around. I grew up with a sister just a few years younger than me. Our personalities are in complete opposite with each other as she’s more of a party girl, adventurous and pasaway type and i’m in to clean fun, goody two shoes type of person.
As far as personality goes, I am generally friendly, lively and easy to get along with despite the fact that i am really a snobby person inside. I’m not loud or confrontational. I’m prim and proper with a confident demeanour that sometimes often come across as mataray and rude. Regardless, not once i treated people with disrespect (except maybe the wrongdoings I’m about to share) and act almighty. I have a personality and people i came across with respects that about me.
As for looks, I’m not gonna pretend that I’m this super-hot babe or drop dead gorgeous chic like the ones you’ve seen on TV or magazines. I’m not going to paint your imagination na I’m this sobrang wow na girl just to get you guys excited. I’m a regular looking chic, more of a girl next door type, a type of girl that you would probably be proud to meet your parents. Cute rather than beautiful. I have a slim frame, heart-shaped mataray face, chest length hair (no bangs). The only drawback about me is my height (I’m a little above 5 feet) but actually most guys find that cute about me. Maybe I’m being conceited or not pero kasi I hate rating myself tapos hindi pala ganun tingin sayo ng tao. But one thing is for sure, I do get a lot of suitors and attention.
As far history of my dating goes, I only dated two guys my entire life. The first one was my college sweetheart named Christian and I’ll tell you guys more about him later. I met my second boyfriend Mike just last year and we are currently living together and marriage is something we have already been discussed and planned.
Christian and I dated for 4 years while i was still in college. I met him during my 2nd year in college while volunteering for an elderly care group. Same school kami but he’s two years ahead of me. He’s well mannered, soft-spoken, respectful kind of guy and he loves me so damn much. Too much that sometimes it’s not even fair na minsan. If anyone of you watching The Big Bang Theory TV series, he’s very much Leonard and I’m his Penny. Even though he’s the best guy I know and I care so much about him, there’s something about him that was really lacking but i can’t pinpoint and identify what it is at the time.
There’s nothing much to share about our sex life when we were together. I was raised with the mindset of sex after marriage just like everybody else. Being a prided teenager that I am, I put that mindset to my heart and never let anyone persuade me away from it. I never let Christian touch me for years and nilagay ko din sa mentality nya na sex is something that he needs to earn from me.
At one point during our first few months of dating, he tried to make “chansing” while we were watching a movie and later that night I broke up with him for real. He was so sorry and begged me to take him back, well nagkabalikan naman kami after a week pero since then he never tried or insist anything about sex anymore. He loves me so much and he’s willing to wait and be patient to earn it. Looking back, natatawa na lang ako why ganun ako mag isip and why I’m using sex as some kind of power and control over someone.
Of course along the way, I got curious about sex din naman. Most of my friends have something to share or joke about it and I have none. Most of the time they avoid talking or joking about it with me nalang. Naiilang daw sila because they know na it makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Well it’s not like I hate the idea of having sex, really i don’t mind. It’s more like i do not want others to feel na i’m that easy and they can get through me that way. I have this cautious thinking na most guys are predators at sex lang ang habol nila sa mga babae.
3 years in to our relationship, we both decided to give it a try. I can say na parang societal pressure nalang so that I won’t feel so nave about it and at the same time parang masyado na kaming matagal and for us not to do it seems to be pretty unfair to him. We’ve probably done it for like 4-5x lang, and all I can say that the experience is more like “exploratory” rather doing it for the sarap. I’m also his first so we were both clueless and not even sure if we are actually doing it right. Add the fact na we are both paranoid na mabuntis nya ako so that takes the fun out of it.
I don’t even remember nga na we have a “completed” sex session. Most of the time we were stopping every few minutes kasi nga kapag he’s about to cum na, titigil na sya to avoid unintentionally cumming inside of me. Imagine ganun pa rin kami ka paranoid kahit na he’s wearing a condom. At that time, I have no complaints naman about the experience since I don’t have any experience to compare it from. I was only able to get off when I’m on the receiving end of our foreplay. I refuse to try and give him a blowjob so nagsesettle nalang kami sa handjob to get him off. But still, props to him for popping my cherry.
We’ve been together for almost my entire college years until we decided to break up due to distance. He started working in Singapore and at that time I’m still finishing up school. There’s no way naman na papayagan ako ng daddy ko magwork ako overseas. It was a mutual breakup and there were no ill feelings at each other. Later on i found out he was really devastated after our break-up but he didn’t show any of that sa akin. We remained friends and still in contact with each other kahit wala na kami.
To be honest, I really took him for granted, and feeling ko he’s always going to be there waiting for me. I can tell na he still loves me and cares about me na parang if i whistled for him to come back, he will come running. On the other hand, i was so ready to move on. At that time, I was ready na din to be single and experience being courted again. I was so full of myself thinking na guys will be lining up for me and imagining my girl friends goes kilig sa mga future na manliligaw sa akin….all that immature stuffs.
Chapter II
It didn’t take a while before I started enjoying my newly-found relationship free life. I was able to focus on my school and my freedom after school life. After graduating, I started working as an QS apprentice sa isang design firm. I stayed there for a couple of months until yung daddy ko pinipilit nya na magfocus nalang ako sa company namin. At that time, I feel like he’s controlling my whole life and career. I didn’t choose my career, they did, with the intention na gusto nila na ako ang magtutuloy ng naumpisahang business nila. I’m cool with that naman but I wanted to be independent din, earn my own money starting from the ground up, learn and relearn from my own failures.
While working sa company namin, I manage to gain a lot of contacts and friends. I met a few guys and got a lot of suitors as well. and not be brag but I couldn’t count them all na kasi yung iba e showy while others are playing safe naman at hanggang paramdam lang.
I learned to be available but not too available. I keep telling them na I’m still in the phase of getting over my previous relationship and I’m appreciating my single life pa. Men are like kids and the more you push them away, the more they wanted you the most. I learned how to charmed men and make them habol without being flirty at maglandi. They wanted to be challenged eh. It was fun to see through every guy’s style or diskarte, pa-cute and pa-sweet, every bola words that came out of their mouths. Having so many options and choices, I wasn’t ready to commit to anything at all. Besides, why am i settling for less? I want a good-looking, successful guy that i can be proud of.
I used to think that girls who agree to one-night stand or casual sex are needy as hell. For me it makes you look so easy and engot by letting yourself victimized by predator men. Sure, for some, this is their bold move to get the guy they want. Maybe they think they’re aren’t pretty enough or maybe self-confidence is not there kaya sila pumapayag ng ganun, Not me. Ano sila sinuswerte. I’m not desperate. I have my pride and dignity and self-worth and etc…. Or so I thought.
Despite my lack of experience, I’m not nave naman na about sex anymore. I’ve done it (sort of) with Christian, and I know how it feels just basing on our encounters lang. I realize na it wasn’t a huge deal as I thought it was. Ganun lang pala yun, nothing exciting and yet there are few girls who are going bananas about it.
A close friend of mine entrusted me of her secret na she’s having an affair with a married guy na 8 years older than her. I keep telling her na it’s yucky and she should end it ASAP and she deserves better blah blah blah all that stuff. But according to her e hindi nya kaya and that everything is exciting and the sex were mind blowing. I was like “Huh?” “exciting?” is she crazy?? Is she losing her mind and getting desperate or maybe she’s one of those girls na talagang ma-L lang. Never in my mind I pictured myself na papatol lalaking so much older than me and lalo na sa may asawa. Again, or so I thought
Mind blowing sex? What’s that like? My experience was okay pero it’s not mind blowing or something that I’m willing to lose my pride and dignity for. I’m curious yet it’s hard to be curious and be single at the same time. I got suitors and guys showing interest in me but should I just flirt with them and be their girlfriend agad so that I won’t feel guilty of having sex? At least boyfriend ko sila, does that make me feel any better? Why do I need to justify everything to make me feel better, I can have sex with a stranger and not tell a single soul. Damn it. Am I now considering casual sex? Where did that came from?” It all started with those harmless thoughts and dumating na sa point na i’m considering it na but I will never ever push for it to happen. Just exploring the posibilities lang. If may opportunity with a perfect time, place and guy….well yeah maybe.
Chapter III
Our business started to slow down na din at dumating na sa point na nahihirapan na rin makakuha ng new projects. I am eager to see change and I desire for independency so I decided na to push my luck and continue my career overseas. Not because of the money or career opportunity, but I wanted to be away from home and live on my own away from my control freak parents.
Before i decided and finally chose Dubai as my next destination, my original preference talaga is Singapore. I’ve got a few old friends over there plus nandun din si Christian and we remained friends and in touch pa ri naman. I was confident na he will step up and make my transition better. I believe that he still cares about me and would love to see me there close to him. He’s my comfort zone. I wasn’t hoping for anything romantic but my doors are open if he ever wanted to start dating again.
Since malapit lang ang Singapore, I decided to take a couple of days off and visit the city to see if I’m going to be comfortable living there. When i told Christian about my plans, he was super excited and offered to show me around. He suggested a fancy hotel close to his apartment block, para daw magkalapit kami just in case i encounter any problems.
When I arrive in SG, Christian was there to look after me as i expected him to do. He picks me up at the airport then hindatid nya ako sa hotel ko. Even though hindi nya ako masasamahan for the next 2 days due to work commitments, he checks on me every hour, brought me breakfast sa umaga and offered to cook for dinner sa kanila. He gave me a tour of their unit para daw I know what to expect when i’m finally looking for my own place.
As for my impression of Singapore, Ang ganda! Im enjoying the vibe of the city and I realize that this is where I wanna be. For young chic like me living on my own for the very first time, Singapore was so ideal for safety and convenience reasons. I did catch up with some of my old friends and hinihikayat din nila talaga nila ako na Singapore talaga is way better than Dubai.
On my 3rd day, Christian took the day off and we spent the entire day shopping at Orchard area. It was such a fun day until later on just before meeting some of his friends over dinner, he dropped an A-bomb out of nowhere and admits na he’s dating somebody else na.
I know na it has been 2 years since we broke up pero nung sinabi nya na may girlfriend na sya, may pain pa din akong naramdaman and I don’t know why. He saw the disappointment sa face ko but I told him na of course he’s allowed to date anyone. Sabi ko na lang na, na caught off guard lang ako and that maybe yung pagaasikaso and spending the whole day with me was a bad idea.
He said na hindi naman daw problema yun. In fact his girlfriend daw is somebody that I used to know and she’s cool with us being friends regardless of our past. Then i found out na he’s dating a previous member of our volunteer group. I know her for being malandi and using that group to meet and flirts with men. Maybe I’m being bitter for saying that, pero I know for sure na she’s a conniving slut (i know!).
Kahit na i wasn’t in a mood anymore, sumama pa din ako sa dinner nila kasama mga friends nya sa Makansutra near Esplanade. His girlfriend (Nathalie) joined in and it was the most awkward dinner of my entire life. She was friendly though pero sobrang uncomfortable ng feeling ko. I felt so out of place and i kept asking myself why, why am i here, why am i in this fucked up situation….
I think 7-8 guys yung nandun and kami lang ni Nat yung girl. I can’t even think straight kaya kahit names ng mga friends ni Christian hindi nagregister sa utak ko. Luckily his friends are fun to be with. There’s a guy named Dan na despite his kanto boy looks and his unbearable loud mouth, he stands out from the rest of the group for being a joker and their clown. At Least he eases awkwardness of the situation im in.
Sometime after dinner, most of the guys are in and out of our table. Some went to the toilet, some went to smoke and some went to buy for drinks. I don’t wanna be left alone with Christian and Nat so i decided to excuse myself and get some air and check out the views of Marina bay Sands na rin. While I was there near the river and taking my obligatory selfies, I can see Dan from a far and he’s walking towards me.
“Ei, baka kailangan mo ng tulong? Ako na kukuha sayo”…. He asked while i’m working on my selfies yet hindi ko macapture yung background view. “Sige po kuya thank you kahit isa lang” my reply to him. I called him kuya kasi I forgot his name. He took a couple of photos of me with MBS background.
“Mejo madilim e…” he said while returning my phone. “Try natin sa phone ko gusto mo?”. I was looking at my pics and madilim nga so I said “yes sure”
He took a couple of shots of me and he’s right, mas malinaw nga yung sa kanya. “Wala akong file transfer app eh, gusto mo isend ko nalang sa FB mo?” He said while smiling. I also smiled in a way na I know what he’s trying to do. “Or kung gusto mo sa whatsapp or viber, let me know your number na lang” He added.
For a guy who isn’t that good looking he came off as a confident man. His approach was smooth and not pilit. He looks and talks like he’s a player. I shared my FB account and he added me agad. That’s how I found out about his name. He told me, marami pang magandang spot to take photos so willing daw sya maging photographer ko while in SG. Nakakagana daw mag take ng pictures kasi maganda daw yung view and yung subject. At that time, I wasn’t even thinking that he’s flirting with me, maybe because I’m still a little bit distracted sa nalaman ko kay Christian.
We chatted a little bit while walking to the bridge. He asked me why I’m there and kaano ano ako ni Christian etc. I didn’t tell him na I’m his ex-gf, sinabi ko lang na just a friend visiting and doing my due diligence to see Singapore before making my big move. I get to know him a little bit. He’s in his mid 30’s and Married. He said him and Christian are friendly to each other yet they are not super close friends. They are in one group or tropa pero basically magkasama lang sila because of their mutual friends.
Christian (with his bimbo) and the rest of his friends caught up to us. I saw how Christian was looking at me and Dan from a far and I can sense na he’s not pleased pero he’s pretending to be okay. Seeing him that way and pretending na ok lang sya, makes me smile a little. Ewan ko kung bakit… So, I did a little flirting with Dan by showing a little interest, laugh at his jokes (although he’s funny naman talaga). I’m not trying to make Christian jealous pero gusto ko paramdam sa kanya yung awkwardness na nararamdaman ko with him and Nathali