by: stellargirl
Chapter IV
I went back to my hotel room and still bothered by the fact na Christian is dating somebody else na. Ramdam ko na hindi ako okay… not at all. I went to check Nat’s FB page and dig deep into her timeline and I found a few photos of them together posted 2 years ago, this was around the time Christian and I parted ways. A lot of scenarios are running inside my freaking head; Did he cheat on me while we are still in long distance relationship? Is she the reason why we broke up and why Christian decided to let me go?….. My mind is set na. There’s no way I’m coming back here in Singapore. I am fully decided na Dubai nalang talaga ako.
A few minutes later I saw a few messages from Dan popping up sa phone ko with some of the photos he took with me earlier. Kinakamusta nya ako and typical me just sending him single word replies to let him know na I’m not in the right mood to talk. Then he hit me with a message na “Pasensya na hindi ko alam na ex-gf ka pala ni Christian. Kung alam ko lang edi mas nakiride-on ako sayo at pinagselos natin sya lalo”
Nakuha nya agad attention ko and I reacted defensivelyna I don’t use people for that nonsense yadda yadda… But of course i told him out of bitterness na it was fun seeing Christian’s uncomfortable reaction. Sabi nya, Christian referred to me daw as a schoolmate lang pero nalaman nya na rin daw agad yung totoo while checking ang digging into my FB page as well.
Dan and I chatted all night till the very next day. He’s listening to my kwento kahit na I’m being too self-centered for talking too much about me. In short naging comfortable din ako kaagad sa kanya. He was fun to talk to and there’s some kind of transparency between us. He’s a married man and he knows he’s not the type of guy I’d go out with. So, yung mga flirtation at hirit nya are not meant to be taken seriously.
I think Dan is becoming more comfortable din with me. He talks real and at hindi sya kagaya ng ibang guys na nakakausap at nakikilala ko na pacute o pasweet. I’m enjoying that. Most guys are afraid to talk real with me. Maybe ayaw nila ako maoffend or baka ma turn-off ako agad pero sa totoo lang, I’m cool with a non-filtered convo and it’sdefinitely a welcome change. Dan chats like what he is in person and with full of confidence. May mga hirit sya na minsan bastos or offensive words pero hinahayaan ko lang sya. I wanted him tobe himself.
The next day, It was Saturday and I didn’t have any itinerary plans prepared for that day. I just went for lunch with some old friends and do some light shopping at Bugis market for pasalubongs. Dan and I are still exchanging messages throughout the day. I decided not to bother Christian anymore after ko malaman na may girlfriend na pala sya. So, I turned to Dan and he was happy to give me some tips and guides around SG. “Huwag ka maniwala kay Christian, sa akin ka makinig mga hirit pa nya.
Later that afternoon he shared a screencap ng group chat nila ng mga tropa nila, same group that I met during Makansutra dinner….including Christian. Dan was basically asking for Christian’s permission if pwede ba daw nya ako pormahan. You can really tell na pabiro naman yung way ng pagkakasabi nya. Other guys are chiming in, binubuyo si Christian, inaasar si Dan etc. Well sabi ni Dan, kinukuha nya lang daw reaction ni Christian so that he can share that with me. Christian, on the other hand, was obviously irritated kaya mejo he’s being jerk sa mga reply nya. He’s being sarcastic by wishing Dan some good luck at kilala nya daw ako and he’s sure na hindi ko daw sya papatulan. Since hindi ako pinapakilala ni Christian as his ex, yung mga friends nya naman e nagtataka kasi masyado syang obvious na uncomfortable at napipikon.
Ako naman e tuwang tuwasa nangyayari and to be honest I’m not even sure why. I don’t hate Christian. He didn’t do anything wrong naman. He didn’t cheat on me (maybe…, I don’t know) in fact his intentions are pure. He just wanted us to remain friends regardless na he’s dating somebody else na. Pero that bitter and vindictive side of me was enjoying this and I couldn’t explain it. I don’t know why and I don’t have any reason for feeling that way. I feel like Christian is sticking it to my face na he had moved on and he’s dating a better girl…kahit alam kong hindi naman talaga yun ang intention nya. Basta I can’t explain my thinking and my feelings back then.
Dan sort of suggested na we should meet up kahit pa picture lang na magkasama kami just to make fun of Christian and shut his friends up na walang bilib sa kanya. In a normal mindset, of course, I would easily turn him down and tell him na I’m not interested in being used that way. But then again, I wasn’t thinking clearly and feeling too vindictive so I agreed to meet him. Dan suggested na i should dress something different, he wanted me to look hot, and I didn’t even hesitate, I went straight to shop for tube top (which i don’t normally wear at that time) and went back to my hotel to freshen up. Looking back it’s crazy to think n na I’m doing all that effort for a guy who’s not even my type physically pero at that time iniisip ko its not even an actual date. It’s more like making fun of my ex-bf. An ex-boyfriend na wala namang ginagawang masama sa akin.
He asked me to meet him sa Clark Quay (Gimik spot in SG) which is just a few minutes cab ride from my hotel. He was all smiles when I met him. He’s wearing just a normal polo shirt & jeans. Mahihiya talaga ako if someone would think na magka date kami. Feeling matapobre naman ako kapag iniisip ko yun.
“Tara picture na so I can go home and rest na…,” i told him agad even though I’m expecting naman to hang out with him for a while.
“Ikot ikot muna tayo, kahit drinks lang. Sayang naman porma mo eh…” Hirit nya. So we stroll for a bit and surprisingly hindi sya ganun ka crowded for a Saturday night. It seems like he knows where to go so sinusundan ko lang sya.
Then, nagulat nalang ako na bigla nalang he’s greeting some guy na and then pinakilala nya agadako. Mga workmates nya daw are there kung gusto ko daw e maki-join kami. Of course, ang rude naman to turned them down… so when we sat down, I told him discreetly na “ikaw ah… kaya pala dito mo sinabi na magmeet…kaya pala”. I wasn’t mad naman, it’s better to hang out with a group naman talaga pero i know for a fact na he’s intentions is to parade me as his date in front of his workmates.
His friends are cool naman at may mga girls din so mejo hindi naman uncomfortable. Dan asked his mates to take a photo of just the two of us using his phone then afterward I saw him sharing those photos sa sa group chat nila ni Christian. Enjoy naman kami sa mga replies ng ibang friends nya. Christian saw the pics pero he’s not responding at mas lalo syang kinakatyawan. All of a sudden, Christian is calling me at tawa lang kami ng tawa ni Dan. Dan insisted not to answer his call para daw mas lalo syang ma paranoid.
After a while, I started feeling a little bit tipsy na and he pulled me away sa group so that we can hang out alone dun sa mga steps just along the river. Kwentuhan at chikahan lang mostly about Christian. Sabi nya he knows something about me and Christian pero ayaw nalang nya i-open up. Classic move na kunwari may sasabihin sabay hindi nalang. Of course, ako naman nacucurious so back and forth kami na kinukulit ko sya kung ano yun.
He told me na there was a time during one of their past drinking sessions, nalasing daw nila si Christian and napilit nila magkwento about Nathalie. Christian shared na wild daw si Nathalie sa bed, complete opposite ng ex-gf nya na sobrang conservative(which is me). He added na marami daw syang firsts with Nat like blowjobs etc…. Christian added a few nasty remarks about me being too uptight and childish and partially blaming me and himself for not enjoying college as much as others did.
I was speechless of course I don’t know how to respond to that. Naramdaman ko nanaman yung insecurities ko and I somehow know na sinasadya or ginagatungan (tama ba yung term?) pa lalo ni Dan pero I still couldn’t help feeling that way. He’s joking na masyado ko naman daw pinahirapan si Christian about sex and i was feeling too emotional so of course, I kept defending myself and told him na I was young then and immature and I was sticking to my principles…etc.
From then on, naging topic na namin ang sex. He’s being upfront sa mga words na ginagamit nya and to my surprise hindi naman ako na-ooffend. Thanks to his pang gaagatong, he got me to the point na I’m there to prove myself na I’m not some kind of Hitler in bed as Christian claims to be. So, I wasn’t backing down to his naughty topic at all. He’s treating me like an adult and I’m cool with that. In fact, I hate to admit it….. Pero he’s starting to turn me on a little bit. Not a single soul dared to talk to me that way before. I’m not used to it pero not once I feel like “oops that’s foul na…, back off!!..” None of that. Despite his looks, I find his confidence very interesting.
“Ano kaya reaction ni Christian if malaman nya na may nangyari sa atin. Tingin ko mababaliw yun….” he said ng pabiro and with more teasing from him. “Nageenjoy na sya kay Nat, dapat ikaw din, alangan naman sya lang?”
I know what he’s trying to do. I can see through all the words he’s saying and I’m not that gullible na mauuto nya. He’s playing with my insecurities and convincing me to get even. Ang babaw ng style nya and he actually believes na its working and nacoconvince nya ako. Mas nakaka-offend pa na iniisip nya na mauuto nya ako sa ganung style thinking na this sucker insecure chic. But on the other hand, I’m kind of curious where is this going and see how it plays out so sige I’ll play the part. Alam ko naman na I can stop it if I want to naman.
“Ok lang ba ihatid kita sa hotel mo. Sa lobby lang ako and magchecheck-in sa FB para sa mga fans ko (referring to his friends in group chat) at kay Christian para mabaliw sya” He suggested kahit na I know for sure he wouldn’t do that because I know he’s married. Takot nya lang din na mahuli.
A part of me find it exciting na he’s got an audience waiting for what’s gonna happen. They all know na Dan is a fool for believing that he can actually score a girl like me. Yet, they are still rooting for him to succeed…. and at the same time laugh at him if when he fails. Sure enough, if I am part of that audience, I’ll root for him as well.
So, I’m going back and forth of protecting myself or let it play out and deal with the consequence later. I know what’s the right thing to do and I have been avoiding this kind of situation my entire life. But for once I want to see how it plays out. I know it’s stupid but I’m not being stupid because I know exactly what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Gulo diba…Yes, I don’t make any sense at all.. and up until today i’m still trying to figure it out the “sense” of what happened later that night.
I didn’t agree to anything pero we started walking towards the taxi stand then while in nakapila i asked him “So from a make-believe date, now gusto mo magmukhang may mangyayari pa sa atin? Galing mo ah!…”
“Sa ganda mo at sa kagaya ko, okey na ako sa make-believe” sagot nya and he jokingly added “Mas masaya na ako dun kesa makantot nga kita pero wala naman akong proof at walang maniniwala”
I was stunned by what he said. Did he just say the “K” word right in front of me? “grabe ka!” was the only words came out of my mouth. Ewan ko ba… pero parang nag blush ako sa sinabi nya.
“Haha bakit? Totoo naman. Kung may proof lang ako na kunwari may nangyari sa atin, masaya na akong uuwi sa bahay at dun nalang ako magjajakol at iimaginin ko nalang na nakantot kita. Ganun din naman yun” dagdag pa nya.
I slapped his braso like I’m worried na baka may makarinig sa kanya. Hiskalye words are turning me on, pero I’m keeping my composure and trying to be aware na it has to stop. I can’t let it happen. Back and forth thinking again. Kanina lang I’m more than happy to play it out. Mas natauhan pa ako ngayonwhen i started thinking na shit, posible syang mangyari. I can’t let it happen. “Stay strong J….” i was telling myself.
“Okay so if you have a choice between having a staged proof pero it didn’t really happen or it happened pero there’s no proof, mas pipiliin mo yung una?” I’m not even sure why I’m asking him that.
“Kung convincing yung staged proof then oo mas prefer ko yun…” sagot nya without any hesitation.
“Really!? You’d rather feed your ego than the real thing…?” shocked pa din ako sa sagot nya.
“So, if I asked you to go ahead let’s do it, no proof or anything, tatanggi ka…?” dagdag ko pa
“Real offer ba yan? Haha! Ofcourse mas pipiliin ko na makantot kita. Pero if papipiliin mo ako sa dalawang option, mas appealing sa akin yung may proof just because I know hindi possible yung una” sagot nya. “Wala naman akong galit kay Christian,at wala naman akong kailangang I-prove sa mga tropa. Pero minsan pinagkakatuwaan nila ako na nagyayabang lang daw ako at puro imbento.”
“Yang si Christian nahuli ko na yan na behind my back sinasabi nya na feeling gwapo daw ako at wala naman daw maniniwala sa akin….. May sarili pa silang group chat at pinagkakatuwaan itsura ko. Over confident at marami daw nababastusan sa akin” He added. “So yep kung mas convincing yung proof, mas prefer ko yun”
I’ve known Christian for a very long time and he does talk about people he dislikes behind their backs. He’s friendly to your face even if he doesn’t like you and then alienate other people to dislike you behind your back. So somehow naniniwala ako sa sinasabi ni Dan.
Dan continued his trash talking about Christian the whole cab ride till we reached my hotel. At the hotel lobby, I was about to say my goodbyes when humirit sya kung ok lang daw ihatid nya ako sa room ko. Just as he’s about to assume na game ako sa gusto nyang mangyari since pumayag ako magpahatid sa hotel, I found an inner strength to fight the temptation and crush his hopes down;
“Dan, alam ko what you’re trying to do, pero i can’t let this happen. I know na you are not here just for that stupid FB check-in and play with your friend’s minds. Somehow you are hoping na since nandito ka na somehow you can convince me to invite you to my room for..you know what.. pero i can’t let it happen. I’m thinking straight and trying to do the right thing. It was fun playing along and fooling Christian and thank you for that. But hanggang dun lang. If you want to impress your friends, I can’t be a part of that anymore. Pero thank you….” mahabang monologue ko sa kanya
He looked disappointed pero he was still smiling. Humihirit pa sya na just a picture lang daw ng room ko and aalis na sya. I just gave him a smile and wave goodbye.
I went up and went straight to my bed with a heavy feeling. I was rude pero i know na i avoided a potential disaster sa buhay ko. Sa totoo lang back and forth ang utak ko. Naalala ko pa din yung mga sinasabi nya and I’m still turned on by his words. Minutes just passed and I felt bored agad. I decided to make it right somehow. I stood up, took photos of the room and I sent it to him with a message “Sorry i was rude. Here are the photos you asked for…”
A couple of seconds later, he replied “K lang. Sayang naiimagine ko pa naman sinisisid ko pussy mo jan sa kama…”. I got chills and tingling sensation just by reading that bastos na message. Only by those words and the overall feeling that night, I can feel na I’m not my normal self anymore. I told myself,haay J bahala na…”.
My fingers are trembling while typing in my reply; “Ok you win. Eat me lang. No kissing. No lights. No more proof. No other requests. Nothing except eat me lang. Uuwi kana after and then forget that we met…”
He replied in an instant and he’s asking me about my room number. Nagisip nanaman ako but before I change my mind I hit the send button agad with my room number on it. No more thinking. My heart was racing. There’s no turning back anymore…